Isabelle Norconk, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate
According to the CDC, an estimated 15.5 million of U.S adults have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) diagnosis, approximately half received that diagnosis in adulthood.
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that can influence hyperactivity, impulsivity, and attention which combined can negatively impact a variety of functions: impulse control, memory, time management, and emotional regulation.
As adults with ADHD learn to navigate relationships it can be helpful to acknowledge the impact ADHD symptoms can have on the relationship.
How Does ADHD Impact Couples?
When one partner in a relationship has ADHD, it can create unique challenges that affect everything from daily routines to emotional connection.
In a romantic relationship, these symptoms can create conflict or disagreements that can result in both the ADHD and the non-ADHD partner feeling criticized, misunderstood, unappreciated, and disconnected.
Common patterns may include:
- Responsibility Inequity: One partner may feel like they’re carrying most of the household or emotional load.
- Miscommunications and Forgetfulness: Missed dates, overlooked tasks, or zoning out during conversations can lead to feelings of neglect or frustration.
- Emotional Dysregulation: ADHD can contribute to mood swings or low frustration tolerance, escalating conflict.
- Caregiver dynamics: One partner may start to feel more like a manager or caretaker, which erodes intimacy.
How to Strengthen Your Relationship
Every relationship is between two people with two different brains.
The differences are not a barrier to a healthy relationship, but the lack of awareness and skills to work through the differences can become the source of disconnection.
Fortunately, couples can take practical steps to navigate ADHD together with more empathy and teamwork.
- Education
Understanding and acknowledging how ADHD affects behavior is the first step toward compassion. When both partners learn about ADHD, it can help reframe behavior from “not caring” to a neurological difference. This can help the person with ADHD practice taking accountability and the non-ADHD partner practice compassion. - Use Check-ins
Inspired by the Gottman Method, weekly check-ins allow couples to calmly reflect on their relationship, highlight what’s going well, and address concerns before they escalate. Set aside 20–30 minutes once a week for a structured check-in. Use prompts like:- What felt good this week in our relationship?
- What could we improve?
- How can I support you this week?
- Develop Structures
Routines, reminders, and organization systems can support the ADHD brain while easing stress on both partners. Using shared calendars, visual checklists, and apps like Todoist or Google Keep. Make routines collaborative and flexible. - Clarify Roles and Expectations
Instead of assuming tasks will be done, it’s important to specify our expectations by having explicit discussions about responsibilities and follow-through. Sit down and divide responsibilities clearly. Use a whiteboard or app to visualize who’s doing what—and update it regularly. Acknowledge when tasks go well, and reassess with empathy/compassion when necessary. - Therapy Support
Couples therapy, especially with someone experienced in ADHD, can help navigate the emotional and logistical impacts together. Individual ADHD coaching may also be valuable.
Living with ADHD is not a barrier to a fulfilling relationship—it’s a call for deeper understanding and intentional communication.
With the right tools and support, you can move from conflict toward connection.
If you or your partner are experiencing these dynamics our Couples and ADHD Relationship Workshop might be right for you.
This workshop can also be beneficial for individuals who are not diagnosed but identify with the symptoms of ADHD, singles and or anyone l who is in a relationship with someone with ADHD to learn about its impact on the relationship and what relational tools could support their connection.
